Ode to Free Credit Report Dot Com guy

Actually, it's not so much an ode but a confession:

I think I love this guy ---->

If you don't recognize this mildly attractive face from those awful freecreditreport.com commercials perhaps this little ditty might tingle your Spidey senses (or make you want to jump into on-coming traffic):

 "F-R-E-E that spells free credit report dot com, baby." 

Still don't?? Well, here's a whole page to refresh your memory! 

I really can't explain why. His voice is more bland than J. Lo's, raps worse than my first generation Asian American mother, needs a haircut and a shave, his friends look like they belong to a third rate Nirvana revival cover band, AND he has already married his dream girl and share blissful matrimony in the basement of her mom and dad's. What a winner. 

Hell, this schmuck has had bad credit for FIVE commercials now. I mean, yeah this fool had his identity stolen and all, but Boy, if you no longer want to serve chowder and ice tea in a pirate costume maybe you should get your credit checked or something...I wonder if there's some kind of Web site that does it for you...for free...

I digress. So yeah, I love Free Credit Report Dot Com guy. My heart doth flutter like an idiot when I see his stupid face on TV. I love how he's always smiling through the adversity of the times and bad credit, singing like his life is a Rogers & Hammerstein musical, and moving forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. I like him for the same reason why my favorite actor is John Cusack. He's got this regular dude quality who doesn't care if his shoes match his belt and would write and sing really bad songs for me. 

I bet he's deep.  

But whatever, I'm going to marry a senator.