Happy new year!
I have been way busy lately but its been way too long in-between. I’m slightly embarrassed about where I’m composing this though—I’m being one of “those people” who bring MacBooks to Starbucks.
So I’ve been up to lots lately! Since last November’s L.A. coup d’etat, I—
• …turned 24. I had two birthday parties in successive nights with my Oita/Beppu bestestsesseseses. Night one, pimpin’ the Moet, night two, pimpin’ sparkling red wine. In a remarkable display of grace and maturity, I neither binge-drank nor harassed strangers either night. And I remembered everything from night two.
• …finished applying to three of the four J-schools I’m currently selling my soul to. I’m so siiiiick of it all. I’ve been thinking about grad schools for half a year now. It’s officially over Feb. 1. I think the only reason why I’m writing this entry now is because I should be doing something more constructive like filling out FAFSA forms, and/or studying for entrance exams, and/or cracking out another highfaluting statement about how my stellar grades and involvement with extracurricular activities demonstrate my motivation. I’m most inspired to blog when I shouldn’t be. It’s more fun this way.
• …acquired dual citizenship….I’m an official Hong Kong citizen. I can now vote, work, and legally live in the motherland, but in truth I’m more stoked about the shorter lines at HK International customs and excursions to Macau.
• …celebrated another holiday-themed visit to Lan Kwai Fong with Cousin Jasmine. Where it was all fun and games, and free champagne, and free Jello shots, and free Patron, and general arrogant swagger until we got into our first ever crazy-bitch scrap, not with each other but with genuine bitches. I’d rather not go into detail but this incident totally nullifies being 24 and being sensible.
• …hit up Okinawa. An otherwise perfect winter vacation of sun, beach, and hiking—if it wasn’t for the rain that had violently spit all over the damn place every other day. I did spend a blissful day on an island in the sun, playing and having fun, and it made me feel so fine I couldn’t control my brain, hip-hip.
• …got a brand new perverted Japanese man story for ya, Beat-niks. On the third day of the Okinawa trip, I invite along this 30-ish Japanese dude, Yoshida, from our hostel to join Tara, my travel buddy, and me in a day of sightseeing the coast in a rental car. Now, homeboy seemed normal enough and spoke about as much English as I did Japanese, so I figured it would be a fun day of Okinawan-exploration and language-exchange. The day went off harmlessly, Yoshida helped us get our rental, he helped us navigate the roads, we saw some fish at the aquarium and we tried our best to understand each other. I mean, yeah, Tara and I did notice him leering and lingering on occasion, but hey, we’re cute. On the drive back to the hostel, I asked Tara to stop at a hotel parking lot so I could take a picture of the sun setting on the beach. I get out of the car and the dude follows. I notice that he has a slight limp in his gait. As I’m snapping some photos, buddy grabs his package and says to me in a strained voice,
“My cock is hart.”
“My cock is hart! Can you help me?”
“Um, NO! I can’t help you with that.”
Frightened and confused—I thought to myself, “Did he mean his cock is hard or his cock hurts? Wait, why does it matter, it’s gross either way and this guy is a pervert.” I run back to the car, and seat myself in the passenger seat next to Tara.
“SO! TARA! YOSHIDA JUST TOLD ME HIS COCK IS HART! AND HE SAID PLEASE HELP ME.”
Tara is speechless and obviously uncomfortable. Yoshida jumps into the backseat with his hand still on his crotch, pissing and moaning.
“Ittai, Ittai!” said the fucker and some other things in Japanese. Ittai means “pain” in Japanese.
So I guess that meant his cock hurt? I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom and he said he did. The only thing I could think of is to drive to the nearest convenience store. Besides the unpleasant groaning, it’s awkwardly silent in the car as we’re driving. I suggest to Yoshida that he should rest or try to sleep and he mumbles that when he sleeps his cock is “hart”…so I guess it meant that his cock is hard?????? I couldn’t help but think this guy is going to kill us or rape us.
We finally arrive at the nearest convenience store where I tell Yoshida to get out.
He refuses to leave.
He asks us for tissues.
We don’t any so Tara and I get out, leaving him alone in the car.
Horrified, we burst out of the car and into the store and immediately analyze what happened. Among the exclamations…
“OH MY GOD. WHAT JUST HAPPENED??”
“I think he has blue balls.”
“Did he just come in his pants????”
And so on. We find him some tissues, we leave the store, we throw the tissues at the fucker, we drive back in complete silence the entire way back, we drop off the rental, we part ways.
Okinawa ’09, Always in my heart.
• …gave up chicken. Only for a month though.
• …celebrated ’10 Tokyo style!! Three days in the Big T. One night was so ridiculous that I can’t actually write about it.
• …got hit on by an 18 year old. SWEEET.
Okay, time for sleep.
NEW SITE COMPLETE
5 years ago